Luna Lovegood, PI
by mugglesftw
Summary: A mystery lurks at the heart of Hogwarts castle. A tangled web of lies and subterfuge that is so deep, so all encompassing, that only a mind as unique as Luna Lovegood's could ever hope to perceive it. Together, Luna Lovegood and her trusty partner Sue Li must uncover the truth: Who took the electrical outlets in Hogwarts, and how is this keeping Professor Binn's employed?


"So what are we going to do tonight, Luna?" Sue Li asked, bouncing up to her friend in the Ravenclaw common room.

"The same thing we do everynight, Sue," Luna answered, still reading her copy of the Quibbler upside down. "Try to take over the world."

"Really?" Sue asked. "When did we start trying to do that?"

"I don't know, but tonight just seems the sort of night for taking over the world, don't you think?" Luna remarked.

Sue thought about it, then shrugged. "Would that mean we get a new teacher in History of Magic?"

Luna set her copy of the Quibbler down, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "I don't know. I don't think the Ghost Union would allow us to replace Binns even if we did rule the world."

"The Ghost Union? Is that how Binn's has kept his job even though he's the most rubbish teacher in all of existence? And I'm even counting when Snape was a teacher. He might be a hero now but he was a complete tosser," Sue declared.

"That's it!" Luna declared, standing up. "We'll discover why the Ghost Union is so invested in keeping Binn's as a teacher!"

"Oh boy! A mystery! I love mysteries. Will we get to be like Marvin the Mad Muggle?" Sue asked as she followed Luna towards the common room door.

"Of course not. We'll be like Mystery Inc," Luna declared. "We'll just need to find a talking animal of some sort to be our side kick."

"Well, I don't know of any talking animals around at the moment," Sue observed. "And the only animagus around is the Headmistress."

Luna nodded seriously. "It's settled then. We'll start our investigation at the Headmistress' office."

The two 7th year students wandered through the castle, having to take several detours. The castle was still being repaired from the Battle of Hogwarts the year before, where no one except the Death Eaters and other characters the author doesn't feel like including had died, because this is a comedy AU and I said so.

They finally made their way to the gargoyle who guarded the entrance to the office, where Luna waved cheerily. "Hello Steven, do you feel like solving a mystery tonight?"

The gargoyle scratched it's chin with one hand, then shrugged.

"His name is Steven?" Sue asked, frowning at the animate stone statue. "I thought his name was Acid Pops."

"No, that's just the password Dumbledore used to use," Luna confided. "His name is really Steven. Isn't it, Steven?"

The gargoyle shook his head, but shrugged.

"Well if your name isn't Steven and it isn't Acid Pops, what is it?" Sue asked.

The gargoyle shrugged again.

"Oh, of course, you can't talk!" Sue said, smacking her forehead. "Here, take this." She handed over parchment and a quill.

The gargoyle picked it up, then wrote on the paper, "I don't know."

"That's a very odd name," Sue mused. "But then again I've never known a gargoyle's name before."

"I think he means he hasn't got a name. So I named him; Steven," Luna declared. She took the parchment back, ripped a square off, and wrote "Hello, My Name is Steven" on it. Then, she used a sticking charm to pin it onto the gargoyle's chest.

Steven the Gargoyle examined his name tag, then shrugged again. He picked up the parchment, crossed out "I don't know" and wrote; "Steven the Gargoyle Guardian."

"Perfect," Luna declared. "Steven, may we go to see the Headmistress? We have urgent business to discuss."

Steven bowed and stepped aside, and the two girls headed up to the Headmistress' office.

Unlike when Dumbledore (or, Merlin forbid, Snape) had been Headmaster, the new office was rather spartan in appearance. There were still the pictures of the former Headmasters, but they had been rearranged in order of service, starting with the four founders at one end and working their way up to Dumbledore, who was snoozing in his portrait. Snape did not have a portrait yet, as the author was still deciding how funny it would be for him to show up at some point.

The silver ornaments Dumbledore had were gone, replaced by the Marauder's Map under a glass case, where observers could easily see the location of everyone in the school. The Sorting Hat still sat on his shelf, but it was much less dusty. That shelf in particular no longer contained books, but rather a collection of quidditch related paraphernalia from throughout the schools history. Luna was very proud that her Roaring Lion hat was displayed in a place of honor.

The Headmistress herself sat behind her desk, working on some late night parchment work. She looked up when the two Ravenclaws entered, smiling at them. "Good evening, Miss Lovegood, Miss Li. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company on this fine evening?"

"We're going to solve a mystery, but to do so we need a talking animal sidekick," Luna explained.

Sue nodded. "Yes, and since you're an animagus we were wondering if you knew the location of any potential candidates."

McGonagall blinked, but since this was Luna Lovegood and her accomplice she was addressing, she was not overly surprised at the seemingly complete non sequitur.

"Well I must confess, for a magical school we do seem to have a distinct dearth of talking animals," McGonagall said in as serious a tone as she could muster. "As such, I must charge the two of you with getting to the root of this mystery and discovering why this has happened."

Sue Li gasped, putting her hands over her mouth. "But we already had a mystery! This is just another mystery! What shall we do?"

Luna, however, put her hand on her friend's shoulder and nodded gravely. "We'll take the case, Headmistress. Team Name Pending is on the case."

"I shall leave it in your capable hands then," McGonagall said.

Luna and Sue paused on their way out to admire Luna's Lion Hat.

"I wonder if we could find something else that talks to help us?" Sue wondered.

The Sorting Hat yawned, looking up at the two of them. "Well, good evening. Young Luna, and young Sue. How are you liking Ravenclaw?"

"Very much!" Sue said happily. "I had to leave last year because my dad is a muggle, but I'm back to finish!"

"Ah, excellent, excellent," the Hat said. "You were a good fit for Ravenclaw. And you, Miss Luna?"

"I think the Sorting is a conspiracy perpetrated by the Sandman Division to divide the student body so that their dreams can be more easily harvested," Luna said seriously.

"Yes. Definitely Ravenclaw," the Hat muttered.

"Well, we're off to find a talking animal to have as our sidekick!" Sue said happily. "And to discover why there aren't that many talking animals in Hogwarts! You know, it is a magical school, but I've never once had any animals talk to me."

"Oh? Hmm. You know, I seem to remember there were a large number of talking animals back in the day," the Hat mused. "I wonder what happened to them?"

"Can you give us any clues?" Sue asked eagerly. "We need some leads."

"Hmmm, hmmm. Well, I seem to remember they had something to do with colored walls. And that they loved food. Perhaps the house elves can assist you," the Hat offered.

"Thank you, Hat," Luna said, nodding to it. "Keep an eye out for the Sandmen. We don't want them stealing your dreams."

"I er, well, I suppose," the Hat managed. "I don't remember having any dreams you know."

"That's because the Sandmen already stole it," Luna told the Hat. "We'd offer to help solve the mystery, but we've already got too. Sue, put it on the list, and perhaps we'll get to it later."

"Righto!" Sue agreed, pulling out some parchment to write on. Luna smacked it out of her hand.

"What are you doing?" Luna demanded. "Detectives don't write on parchment. They use notebooks." Reaching into her robes, Luna extracted a yellow notepad and handed it to Sue, along with a pencil.

"Yes! Real detective work!" Sue cheered as they left the Headmistress' office. "Say, can we have cool hats and magnifying glasses? I've always wanted to have one of those."

"I think those will be almost required," Luna pronounced. "But first, we need to get to the kitchens."

"Good idea, I'm starving," Sue agreed.

"Don't be so hyperbolic," Luna ordered. "A good detective must be precise in their language. Besides, we're not going to the kitchens to eat, we're going to investigate a clue."

"But we can also have a bit to eat, right?" Sue pressed.

Luna considered this. "As long as they have some pudding leftover from dinner, yes."

"Oh goody! I hope they have some of those cherry tarts, they were very good!"

"Yes, I think we'll need several of those. A good detective must keep up her strength."

They made their way down to the kitchens, where the house elves were busily preparing the morning's breakfast.

"Good evening mistresses," one of the house elves said, dusting her tiny hands off on an apron and hurrying over to them. "What do yous be needing this night?"

"Cherry tarts!" Sue said. "And clues too, if you have any."

"We's be having some tarts left I's is thinking," the House elf allowed. "But I's not sure we be making any clues."

"We're on the case of a very important mystery," Luna said. "Well, two mysteries, actually."

"Three now, don't forget whoever is eating the Hat's dreams," Sue reminded Luna.

"Yes, three mysteries, we can't forget the Dream Eaters," Luna agreed.

The tiny house elf gasped. "Someone is eating ours dreams?"

"Yes," Luna said, nodding severely. "The Sorting Hat confirmed it. He can't recall the last time he's had a dream, and as such it proves that someone is eating them."

"Are we sure the Sorting Hat is a he?" Sue asked. "I always wondered that. Do hat's have a gender?"

"Not in english, but I'm sure they do in french and other silly languages," Luna said.

"Ooo, yes, that's right. What's french for Hat I wonder?" Sue pondered. She whipped out her notebook and began to write. "Solve...mystery...of...Hat's...gender...in...french...Got it!"

"The work of a detective is never done," Luna lamented.

A house elf hurried over with a basket of tarts, and Luna and Sue sat down to eat one along with a hot mug of tea also provided by the elves.

"Now, tell us, have you ever heard stories of any talking animals?" Luna asked the small elf perched on a stool next to them.

"Animals that is talking? If they is talking, isn't they not animals but beings?" the elf asked.

"You've got talking beans?" Sue asked excitedly. "Luna, we could use those! Having a talking legum as a side kick would be so much better than a talking animal."

"I's wasn't talking about plants, I's was talking about-" the elf said, but Luna talked right over her.

"I've heard about talking plants before," Luna mused. "I think it was one of the Hufflepuff prefects. Yes! They were singing about it. 'If you like to talk to tomatoes, if a squash can make you smile…' I don't remember the rest."

"Well we should go ask them," Sue said, hurriedly wiping some crumbs off her fingers and writing down the information on her notepad. "We'll have to hurry though, it's almost past bedtime."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Luna said. "I'm a hero, remember? I was in Dumbledore's Army. I can get away with practically anything now. The other night I was out dancing barefoot in the moonbeams in the Great Hall, and Flich yelled at me for not being in bed. I said the moonbeams reminded me of fighting Death Eaters, and he went very pale and hurried off. I danced for another hour then went to bed and no one bothered me."

"Wow! I wish I'd been in Dumbledore's Army, but at the time I was protesting nuclear armament and I refused to take part in any military action," Sue explained as they were walking out of the kitchens carrying a basket of cherry tarts.

"It's very important to stick to your principles," Luna said. "Did you succeed?"

"Well, I don't think so, because later my family went to go see Independence Day and I rather liked it, except for the bit about aliens. Plus, I did help fight the Death Eaters. So now I'm protesting aliens instead of nuclear weapons, because the muggles might need those if the aliens ever come back," Sue explained.

Luna nodded. "The Quibbler ran an expose on that. Shame about the aliens blowing up so many world monuments. Did you know though, I think the muggle governments must have some sort of obliviators because they put them all back and seem to have erased everyone's memories of the whole thing."

"Well of course, how else do they keep hiding all these alien invasions from us?" Sue asked. "There was another movie that explained the whole thing called Men In Black. Did you know, they hired the pilot from Independence Day to help their obliviators?"

"It only makes sense, he'd have experience with it," Luna agreed.

They arrived outside of the Hufflepuff common room and knocked politely on the door.

"Yes?" a Hufflepuff said, opening the door. "Oh, hi Luna, hi Sue, what are you doing here?"

"We're here to investigate talking vegetables," Luna said. "We're worried that this could become a plague sweeping the entire magical world."

"Yes," Sue agreed. "Who would be able to eat their supper if their peas started serenading them?" She quickly wrote this down on notebook, so she wouldn't forget it.

"I'd have an awful hard time eating my carrots if they started questioning the morality of consuming beta carotene," Luna agreed.

"Oh! Goodness, that does sound like quite the problem! Come in, I don't want my salad to talk by to me, I have a hard enough time staying on a diet as it is."

Luna and Sue hurried inside, and found the prefect they had been looking for studying beside the fire place.

"Justin, we have an urgent matter for you," Sue declared, running over. "There's a plague of talking vegetables sweeping Britain and we believe you may know the root cause of it."

Justin Finch-Fletchley looked up, baffled at this news. "I...what?"

"Justin, we heard you singing about them while you were on patrol," Luna told him. "How can the tomatoes talk?"

"And why do squash make you smile?" Sue pressed.

Justin just blinked at the two Ravenclaws for a long moment. "You...you heard me talking to vegetables?"

"Yes," Luna agreed. "You were singing about it."

"If you like to talk to tomatoes," Sue hummed.

Justin suddenly burst out laughing. "Oh! That. No, that's just a silly cartoon my younger sister likes to watch. It's called Veggie Tales. She saw it at church and fell in love with it. It's about Bob the Tomato, and Larry the Cucumber. They sing songs and teach kids lessons out of the bible."

"I see," Sue said, writing this down in her notebook. "So the Americans are to blame."

"Don't forget the church," Luna said, peering over Sue's shoulder. "I always knew they had something insidious planned. I thought it was just raising the dead, but it looks like they're after our vegetables too."

"I got the perps names too," Sue added. "Larry and Bob. I bet they're at the center of this sinister plot."

"What? No!" Justin protested, standing up and waving his hands back and forth. "They're just cartoons. They come from a computer, it's not a sinister plot at all!'

"I knew it!" Luna shouted, raising one arm high and pointing at the ceiling. "Those blasted muggle machines are all a part of some sinister plot!"

"Yes!" Sue agreed. "My dad is always saying how his computer is evil and cheats at cards!"

"Diabolical," Luna whispered, lowering her hand and shaking her head back and forth. "They're not just content to beat us at children's card games, now they have to deprive us of our suppers! They're going to try to take over the world!"

"No!" Sue cried, putting her hands over her mouth in horror. "That's what we were going to do tonight!"

"There's only one thing we can do in a situation like this," Luna said, smacking her fist into her open palm. "We'll have to find a computer to bring in for questioning."

"Yes!" Sue agreed, writing down the mystery in her notebook. "Oh! But Luna, we're at a magical school! Wherever will we find a computer?"

"You lot need a computer?" a Hufflepuff boy who had just entered asked. "I think professor Murphy has one in his office. Might want to go check there."

"We'll get that wretched machine to talk yet," Luna growled. Together, she and Sue hurried out of the Sett, leaving behind some very confused Hufflepuffs.

"What just happened?" Justin asked no one in particular.

"Who knows?" one of the younger students said. "But I'm keeping an eye on my vegetables."

"I'm writing my parents to let them know computers are after us," a sixth year vowed. "First Voldemort, now Microsoft? When will it end?!"

Luna and Sue stopped for another cherry tart break halfway to the Muggle Studies classroom, but then ran on. When they arrived however, the classroom door was locked.

"Blast, how can we get the door open?" Luna muttered, poking at it.

"Alohomora!" Sue said, pointing her wand at the door. It clicked open.

"Cunning," Luna mused. "Most people don't even bother locking their doors except with some tremendously complicated spell, so just locking it in a non-magical method is enough to deter most intruders."

"I think Professor Murphy is a squib or something," Sue said as they stepped inside the darkened classroom. "I've never heard of him doing any magic."

"Well, he does teach muggle studies. Maybe he's secretly a spy sent by the British Government," Luna said.

Sue shook her head. "Oh, no, he's definitely not a spy sent by the British government. Lumos! Ah, there we go."

"How do you know?" Luna asked. "Anyone could be a spy."

"Oh, I didn't say he wasn't a spy, I just said he's not a spy for the British Government. He's an American. So if anything, he'd be a spy for the American Government."

"Clever," Luna mused. "We'd all be so suspicious that he's a spy for the British Government we'd never even think to suspect him of being an American spy!"

"Exactly!" Sue looked around the room, frowning. "Say, Luna, do you know what a computer looks like?"

"I'm pretty sure they look like chiseled Austrian bodybuilders and wear sunglasses," Luna said.

"No, that's a terminator," Sue said. "Computers look like TV's with keyboards and mice."

"Maybe it's a talking mouse," Luna offered. "Then we could have a sidekick to help us solve all these mysteries."

"Oh, I hope so. They're really starting to pile up. Ah! There, in the back," Sue said, using her wand to illuminate a computer sitting on a desk at the rear of the classroom. The pair of "detectives" hurried forward to examine it.

"Alright you blasted machine," Luna said, drawing her wand and pointing it at the computer. "Tell us everything you know."

"Yeah!" Sue agreed. "Why are you trying to keep us from eating our vegetables?"

The computer sat silently, doing nothing.

"Hmm, it doesn't seem to be doing anything," Luna observed.

"Well, maybe we have to turn it on first," Sue said. "I think there's a button you have to push."

The two girls found several buttons on the computer, and pressed all of them. However, nothing happened.

"Maybe Professor Murphy killed it before he brought it here," Sue said. "That way, it couldn't tell us he was a spy."

"How insidious!" Luna gasped. "But wait, don't comptuers need something to turn on?"

Sue smacked her forehead. "Oh of course! I completely forgot! They need electricity to run! We'll have to find a plug and stick the computers cord in it. Ah, here's the cord. See if you can find an electrical outlet Luna."

Together, the two students searched the entire Muggle Studies Classroom.

"My God," Luna whispered. "They got to it first…"

"Someone's stolen all electrical outlets already!" Sue cried. "We'll never get this computer to talk to us now!"

"There's only one thing we can do," Luna said. "We'll have to find someone who knows about electricity and ask them to help us find where they've all been taken."

"We could ask Professor Murphy, I bet he knows where they are," Sue suggested.

"No!" Luna said, grabbing Sue by the arm. "He's a spy remember? He'll realize we're on to him and just take us to the American's to use as prisoners! They're force us to tell them the secret of magic!"

"Oh, right, thanks for reminding me Luna," Sue said. "Hmmm. Who else could we ask?"

"It would have to be someone who knows Hogwarts inside and out," Luna mused, pacing back and forth.

"And someone who has enough authority to help us put them back," Sue added. "It won't do us any good if we find them but then can't get permission to put them all back."

"Exactly," Luna agreed. "I think I know just the person. She's smart, powerful, and one of the most respected witches at the school. Not to mention she's got connections in the muggle world so she can help us get to the root of this electrical conspiracy."

"There's only one witch who meets that description," Sue agreed. "None other than the Head Girl herself."

"Hermione Granger," Luna agreed. "We'll have to find her to get her to help us."

"I bet she's in the super secret Head Girl quarters with the Head Boy so she can have romantic liaisons with him," Sue said. "I read all about it in the Quibbler. Apparently, it's a tradition that goes back hundreds of years. At first the Head Girl and Head Boy hate one another, but then over time they begin to fall in love, until they have all sorts of carnal relations in their suite."

"I bet there is some sort of enchantment on their quarters that makes them fall in love," Luna declared.

"How did you know?" Sue gasped. "That same theory was in the Quibbler!"

"Well, I did write the article myself. Come on, we have to hurry. According to what I wrote, it should be on the Seventh Floor across from the Tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy."

Since the Muggle Studies classroom was on the ground floor, Luna and Sue had to take another tart break on their way up.

"That's the last of our supplies," Sue said mournfully as she licked the last of the cherry filling off her fingers. "From here on out, we'll have to be careful, or we'll starve to death."

"I heard that's what happened to Sally-Anne Perks in her first year," Luna said solemnly ask she wiped crumbs off her robe. "She got lost in a side corridor and starved to death."

"Nah, her parents were just religious nutters. They pulled her out of school half way through her second year when people started getting petrified. Said it was God's judgement and proof the school was cursed," Sue said.

"That's nonsense. Obviously it was the basilisk, not God. And that had nothing to do with the Curse. The Curse is what caused poor Professor Lockhart to lose his memories," Luna pointed out as they continued on.

"Don't forget he also turned into a blithering idiot," Sue pointed out.

"No, he was that already. Did you know, I'm quite certain he never faced all those monsters he claimed to? It just didn't add up. After all, how could someone manage to slay all those magical creatures and not once attract the attention of the Illuminati?"

"Maybe they're the ones who took his memories," Sue guessed.

"It's possible. Maybe he thought he would be safe from them at Hogwarts. But alas, the tentacled reach of the Illuminati knows no limits," Luna lamented. "Ah, here's the portrait. Ah! Here's the door."

"Oh yeah! I remember sneaking in this way to help during the Battle of Hogwarts!" Sue said. "We must have come through the Head Boy and Girls quarters. I wonder, is that what made me want to kiss Michael Conner?"

"No, that would be his long blonde lashes and dashing good looks," Luna said. "And also the colony of nargles that infests him. It makes all sorts of girls think about kissing his pouty lips."

"Ah, of course, I should have known," Sue said, nodding sagely. She opened the door, and together the two entered the room.

It was decorated in fine silks and linens, with a dark red color scheme. Sultry music played in the background, and the scent of incense filled the air. The only light came from the candles floating in the air. There was a large four poster bed at the center, where various sounds were emanating from.

"I knew it!" Sue shrieked. "They are having illicit romantic liaisons! I can scratch that mystery off the list!"

There were squawks of panic from the bed.

"Bloody buggering hell, who is it?" a panic voice asked.

"I don't know!" another voice replied. "I thought I locked the door against intruders!"

A moment later, Hermione Granger's head peaked between the curtains. "What? Luna? Sue? What on Earth…? You know what I don't want to know."

"We're here because this is the location of the Head Boy and Girls quarters," Sue explained. "We're here to prevent the room from forcing you have have relations with the Head Boy against your will."

"What's going on?" the other voice said. A moment later, Ronald Weasley's head appeared above Hermione's through the curtain.

"Colin Creevey!" Luna gasped. "You disguise yourself as Ron Weasley? That's not proper at all! What would Ron think about you disguising yourself as Hermione's boyfriend to have romantic encounters with her?"

"Luna, what on Earth are you talking about?" Colin-Ron demanded. "And what are you doing here? It's the middle of the night! No one's supposed to be about!"

"I think this is terribly improper," Sue said, writing furiously in her notebook. "If Colin is going to seduce Hermione he should at least have the decency to do it as himself, not stooping to disguise himself as one of the most handsome and brave heroes of the entire wizarding world. If Ron were here to see this Colin, he would be ashamed of you."

"I don't know whether I should be complimented or insulted by all of this," Ron muttered. "Either way, this isn't how I saw the evening going."

"Luna, thank you, I don't need to be saved. I've um, tricked the room. 'Colin' and I are enacting a ritual right now to break it's enchantment that er, does whatever you think it's doing to me and Ro-Colin. However, we're um, right in the middle of it, so we'll have to ask you both to leave."

"And never tell anyone what you saw," Colin-Ron ordered. "I'm not even supposed to bloody well be here. I'm supposed to be in the auror barracks. Harry's covering for me since it's his turn next week, though I don't want to think about what he and my sister get up to."

"I knew the Head Boy position was just a front for the auror corps to recruit from!" Luna declared.

"What?" Colin-Ron asked in puzzlement. "You know what? Nevermind. Yes. It is. But it's very secret, so you can't tell anyone."

"Or write about it in the Quibbler," Hermione added hastily.

"Of course, our secret," Luna said seriously.

"OK. Bye then!" Hermione said, jerking her head towards the door.

Luna turned to go, but Sue grabbed her by the collar. "Wait! We forgot to ask about all the stolen and missing plugs!"

"Oh right!" Luna turned back. "Hermione, do you know where they're hiding all the electrical plugs from the castle?"

Colin-Ron and Hermione both gaped at Luna and Sue.

"You see, we need to plug Professor Murphy's computer so we can talk to it, but all the plugs from the entire castle are gone so we can't give it any electricity," Sue explained.

"Yes, without the electricity, we'll never be able to prove that Professor Murphy is a spy working for the American Government," Luna agreed.

Sue nodded, furiously scribbling in her notepad. "Yes! Or discover why the computers are using singing vegetables to try and prevent us from getting proper nutrition."

"We would solve this mystery on our own, but without a talking animal sidekick we just can't even begin to work this out properly," Luna explained.

"And if we never get an animal sidekick that talks, how are we supposed to confront the ghost union about Professor Binn's awful teaching?" Sue demanded

"Right!" Luna said. "And what would even be the point of taking over the world if we can't even appoint teachers we like?"

The Room of Requirement, sensing it was needed, helpfully provided several crickets to chirp noisily as Colin-Ron and Hermione gapped in utter bewilderment at the two Ravenclaws.

"Did you get any of that?" Colin-Ron finally managed, looking down at Hermione.

Hermione slowly shook her head. "Maybe. But I think a few of my brain cells died trying to process it. Luna, let me get this straight: you think I know where all the electrical plugs in Hogwarts castle are?"

"Yes," Luna agreed. "As Head Girl you must know who removed them all and where they've been hidden."

"Electrical plugs. In a thousand year old castle. A thousand year old, magical castle, where electronics don't work," Hermione said, in a dry, dull tone, that showed she was pretty sure he IQ was dropping every moment she participated in this conversation.

"Yes, exactly!" Sue said enthusiastically.

Hermione groaned, and her head vanished for a moment. There was a dull, thudding sound, and the four poster bed rocked slightly. A moment later, Hermione's head reappeared, with a large red mark on it. "Luna, Sue, I love you both dearly. But there are no electrical plugs in Hogwarts. There never have been. Even if there were, they wouldn't work."

"Sweet Merlin," Sue breathed. "The Sandmen got to her too!"

"They must have eaten all her dreams and removed the information from her head!" Luna declared.

"I'm lost," Colin-Ron said. "I give up. Maybe I should just get my clothes back on and go."

"No!" Hermione said. She glared at Luna and Sue, then suddenly smiled sweetly. "I bet if you both go to bed, you can start dreaming. If you set a trap, you can catch a sandman and then get it to tell you where it put...whatever it is you're looking for."

"Of course!" Sue said, slapping her forehead. "Why didn't we think of that!?"

"Thanks Hermione," Luna said. "You truly are the most brilliant witch of our generation."

Hermione smiled, though it was the sort of smile that the victims of the Joker usually wore in batman cartoons. Sue wondered if maybe the Joker was behind all this. Luna noticed that Hermione's teeth were very bright, and wondered if she'd been targeted by the Rotfang conspiracy.

"Good luck with the ritual!" Sue said as she and Luna left. "We'll come back and visit sometime, the Head Boy and Girl Quarters are very posh."

"Bloody do it on Harry's week," Colin muttered as the door closed.

Together, the two Ravenclaws walked back to the tower.

"I wonder, how does one go about catching a Sandman?" Sue wondered, writing in her notebook.

"I think I have the perfect solution,' Luna said. "First, we're going to need 100 balls of yarn, and a dozen trained nifflers. Then, we get the nifflers to use the yarn to…"

Together, the two daring detectives (Team Name Pending) yawned, then went to bed, certain they would enact their plan the next evening. And then, they'd solve at least some of the mysteries they'd uncovered. Probably. Maybe. At the very least, they'd uncover a few more, just for good measure.


End file.
